Everytime I see him...
...my eyes would light up.
...I would say "Wow!", "YES!", "My God!". After that I'm lost for words.
...my smile would be from ear to ear.
...I would take a second, third, fourth glance or until he's already out of sight.
...I stare at him and I don't care if he's with someone.
...he's quiet but he needs not speak.
...my day turns out to be a great day.
Tonight, I'll be spending more time with him. I might even get to have a picture with him. I am very sure I will remember tonight.
This is a good way to end a busy day, being with J. As my dear friend would say "in every cloud, there's an olive green Jaguar".
Friday, October 27, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
mundane Monday
1. Woke up
2. Took a bath
3. Read "Streams in the Desert"
4. Had breakfast
5. Drove to school
6. Did my job
7. Did other things not related to my job
8. Checked my email
9. Talked to people
10. Writing this
Mundane means ordinary. Was it an ordinary day? If you look at my list, it is an ordinary day for me. However, my thoughts for today are not ordinary. Thinking of a lot of things right now.
As the Mamas and the Papas would say,
"Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me."
Friday, October 13, 2006
blaming it all on PMS
For ladies out there, when you're too sensitive and too emotional and too cranky and too demanding, do you think it's justified for you to feel that way? I mean, did the world and person/persons really treat you unfairly? Or is it just that time of the month?
PMS can really make you act weirdly (to put it mildly) and we should accept that. You say things and do things that you later on realize are such boo-boos.
There were so many times that I've experienced that. It's a good thing that the recipient of these tornadoes, volcanic eruptions and earthquakes (most of the time it is my dear friend) is such an understanding person. Lucky me, he's a guy.
I would want to elaborate on this topic however, I feel another eruption coming and I'm not really sure you would understand me.
PMS can really make you act weirdly (to put it mildly) and we should accept that. You say things and do things that you later on realize are such boo-boos.
There were so many times that I've experienced that. It's a good thing that the recipient of these tornadoes, volcanic eruptions and earthquakes (most of the time it is my dear friend) is such an understanding person. Lucky me, he's a guy.
I would want to elaborate on this topic however, I feel another eruption coming and I'm not really sure you would understand me.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
To have and to hold
(written last night at around 9:48 p.m.)
Earlier this evening, I accompanied my mom and my aunt to the wake of a distant relative. The lady who died was 89 years old. She left behind 11 children and children-in-law, about 10 grandchildren and her 91 year old husband. There is no greater sadness than the sadness on the face of a man who has lost his love of 64 years. As I look at this man as he stares at the coffin of his wife, I wonder what he is reflecting on.
At first I thought he might be thinking, “Was it all worth it? Committing to this person and saying ‘til death do us apart’?” It is also possible that he is trying to recall all the good and bad times they’ve shared with each other and how it all made them a stronger pair. And just maybe he is also looking forward to joining her.
It does take great love for one to risk having this vulnerable moment in one's life. To loose the person you truly love and sit quietly in her wake and have that sadness on your face.
I admire these people. I don’t know if I would be as composed as they are. These are actually moments that I reflect on what I can give and what I can risk for the person I love. It makes me sometimes feel selfish because I do not want to feel that sadness, not as tremendous as that. Also, I do not want him to feel that sadness, too, if ever I go ahead of him. This is why I feel some kind of relief when I hear couples who pass away together. I know it may sound grotesque but don’t we all, at some point in our lives, wished that we leave this world with our true love.
I cannot say that I am really ready to have this kind of commitment. Marriage. I know that it may seem that I’ve been wanting to get married, but honestly my fear of what goes with marriage is real. Can I bear losing him anytime after we take that commitment? One might say that the reason for having this fear is because I haven’t felt great love. Maybe it’s true. I don’t know.
But I do look forward to that day when I say, ‘til death do us apart’, and not be afraid anymore. And during his wake (hopefully, after many years of being married) a visitor would see in the sadness on my face that I have lost my greatest love.
Earlier this evening, I accompanied my mom and my aunt to the wake of a distant relative. The lady who died was 89 years old. She left behind 11 children and children-in-law, about 10 grandchildren and her 91 year old husband. There is no greater sadness than the sadness on the face of a man who has lost his love of 64 years. As I look at this man as he stares at the coffin of his wife, I wonder what he is reflecting on.
At first I thought he might be thinking, “Was it all worth it? Committing to this person and saying ‘til death do us apart’?” It is also possible that he is trying to recall all the good and bad times they’ve shared with each other and how it all made them a stronger pair. And just maybe he is also looking forward to joining her.
It does take great love for one to risk having this vulnerable moment in one's life. To loose the person you truly love and sit quietly in her wake and have that sadness on your face.
I admire these people. I don’t know if I would be as composed as they are. These are actually moments that I reflect on what I can give and what I can risk for the person I love. It makes me sometimes feel selfish because I do not want to feel that sadness, not as tremendous as that. Also, I do not want him to feel that sadness, too, if ever I go ahead of him. This is why I feel some kind of relief when I hear couples who pass away together. I know it may sound grotesque but don’t we all, at some point in our lives, wished that we leave this world with our true love.
I cannot say that I am really ready to have this kind of commitment. Marriage. I know that it may seem that I’ve been wanting to get married, but honestly my fear of what goes with marriage is real. Can I bear losing him anytime after we take that commitment? One might say that the reason for having this fear is because I haven’t felt great love. Maybe it’s true. I don’t know.
But I do look forward to that day when I say, ‘til death do us apart’, and not be afraid anymore. And during his wake (hopefully, after many years of being married) a visitor would see in the sadness on my face that I have lost my greatest love.
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