The immunity challenge

If you watch the reality show Survivor, you would know what an immunity challenge is. For those who don't watch it, let me explain what the show is all about. In Survivor, about 16 individuals are put in a remote place (island, forest, etc.) for about a month. Their objective is to 'outwit, outlast and outplay' the other contestants and be the lone survivor (and win money, of course). Usually, there are 2 challenges per episode. The first one is the reward challenge. Play the game and win the reward which is usually some craving that they have. A shower, a buffet dinner or a chance to see a loved one. The second game is the immunity challenge. At the end of each episode there is a tribal council wherein the contestants will vote who they think should be booted out of the game. In the immunity challenge, the winner will be immuned from being voted in the tribal council meaning for that episode he/she won't be booted out of the island, forest or wherever.

So, what immunity challenge am I losing? Of course by now you know that I used to have my dear friend as my dear boyfriend. When our relationship ended I thought that we'd remain friends and things will be okay. By okay I mean, we would still be looking after each other's welfare. We would still talk about anything under the sun. Anything. We would still see each other and enjoy each other's company. I thought that this was going to be okay. I believed that, unlike other couples who broke up, we would still have a healthy friendship. We are unique because we started off as friends. We're special because we're two good people who would not hurt each other in anyway. We're bestfriends, above everything else. We're immune from being booted out from having a normal relationship after a break up. We worked hard for it and we deserve to win this challenge. But that's not what's happening now. We're struggling. We still have a lot of good times and we still enjoy each other's company. But lately, I get frustrated when I remember how great we used to be. And he gets frustrated that I get frustrated. Okay, we could choose not to see each other. We could choose not to talk to each other. We can even choose to hate each other. But we don't. Well, we did try the first 2 choices and I, admittedly, tried the last choice. But we keep coming back to each other. However, afterwards we don't win the challenge again. And then we win again and then we lose again. It's been a cycle. And the thing that hurts me the most is that I allow myself to get hurt by my dear friend and he allows me to hurt him. Emotionally, that is. And that was never our intention. The last thing we want is to hurt each other, even unconsciously. I know that's hard to do specially when you're very emotional.

I must admit that I haven't accepted the fact that things will never be the same. Even if I try so hard to achieve that I know sooner or later I should surrender and give up. One friend told me that the day I stop caring for my dear friend is the day that I can truly say I'm okay. That's so sad because I don't see myself or I refuse to see myself stop caring for him. There must be another way. There has to be.

So, in the almost 7 months after the break-up we have lost so many times in this immunity challenge. I'm hoping that the immunity challenges would be few and far between. That we would win reward challenges and enjoy our lives. That, through prayer and guidance from God, we would be happy and be at peace. That eventually our friendship will become the lone survivor (of course, no prize money needed here).