Stages after a break-up...so, exactly where am I?

I, actually, don't know. One day, I’m okay and then afterwards I’m not. Sometimes both feelings are in the same day. Breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend can be one of the most difficult things to go through in life. The reason for breaking up may vary but the pain is more or less the same. There might be a third party or both of you are going to different directions or someone in the relationship fell out of love.

I’ve had relationships before but the last relationship I’ve had was with my dear friend. Sadly, our relationship ended November last year. It wasn’t a case of a third party or one of us falling out of love. Our case was, well, I wanted to get married already. And after spending 6 wonderful (much, much more wonderful than not) years with my dear friend, I realized that it was he that I wanted to get married to. Unfortunately, he's not sure if I'm the ONE. I’ve known this for quite some time but we were having a great relationship so I thought in time he would realize how special we were. He does realize how special we are and there were moments that he would tell he felt that maybe I’m the one. However, it wasn’t enough for him to take this to the next level. So, with a very, very heavy heart I decided to end our relationship. Okay, no one fights with my dear friend. He’s not a bad guy. I wouldn’t call him my dear if he’s not worth to be called dear. There’s much about him that you should know for you to understand how he thinks and how he decides on things. It’s different from how most of us do.

The way I would explain what happened to us to family and friends (and to myself) is to say that this is what God has given me and I should learn to accept it. What is the ‘what’ here? Six wonderful years with a wonderful guy who finds me amazing yet he’s not sure if I’m the one. Yes, I know, it’s confusing. Don’t worry, I’m sometimes confused myself. Who am I kidding? I’m confused most of the time. Would it help if I tell you that he is sometimes confused, too? Maybe it won’t but to me it does.

Because my dear friend and I started of as friends, it is difficult to end ‘us’ as friends, too. I know a lot of my other friends frown upon the fact that my dear friend and I are still seeing each other. Seeing him and going out with him has been a bit difficult for me. I worry that people might see us and question me. However, he is not bothered with the possibility that people we know might see us together. I am his first girlfriend so relationships and break-ups are all new to him.

Let’s go back to stages after a break-up. Yes, I went through anger, sadness, denial, etc. But the relationship that we've had (my dear friend and I) is so different. Why do I say it’s different? I’ve had 4 relationships before this and it’s not even remotely comparable to our relationship. That’s not enough? Well, I have a lot of friends and they have attested how unique our relationship is.

So, please allow me to go through the stages after a break-up the best way I know how. Some of my friends mean well by telling me to get angry at him or to tell me he’s not worth it or for me to stop seeing him. And I know they want to protect me. But for me, who has been through 5 break-ups, getting angry or looking down at the other person are not the best ways to get through a break-up. Cold turkey or not seeing him is something I’ve done early on but it lasted for about 5 days and my dear friend did miss me a lot.

Let me just say this, my dear friend has made my life richer and being with a person who makes your life richer is something you’d be so happy to get used to. I may not know exactly what stage I am in but I know (and pray to God) that in the end, in the words of my dear friend, things will get better. Anything better than this, I am so sure, is going to be a great stage ü.