trying to get hold of myself

When I am emotional, I am really emotional. He would say that sometimes being emotional is a good thing...I guess last night wasn't one of the 'sometimes'. And of course, regret comes after...last night, it came about an hour after. So, what did actually happen? What triggered my bad 'emotional' moment? I was crying in the car because of my realizations...the never ending realizations which are actually the same realizations I've had since we broke up. There he was trying his best to console me. Then, I demanded that he be 'inside the box' and I was thinking to myself, 'how hard is that?' He's part of all these realizations, he should not be outside the box. Even if he tried so many times, he was no near the top cover of the box. Maybe I refuse to accept the men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-venus thingee...not for him, at least. I would like to think that he's not one of those guys but I guess he is no exception. I, actually, don't know how he can put up with me...I am really emotional...and that moment I was really, really emotional. When the regret came an hour after, I realized that I said some things again (about me, about him and about us) that were 99.99% baseless and inaccurate...negative things...I was all but glad that he knows that I didn't mean it...again, I was really emotional. Remember, what I wrote in a previous post about 'giving tests'...was I giving one last night? How mean is that? I wasn't really consciously giving a test but it might come out that way. I would always say that I would want to be okay, I want to be cool...whatever difficult situation I am in. I do envy those people who are going through rough times and you could see that they are still okay and they are still cool...I want to be like that. But are they really cool and okay or just pretending that they are? So, which is better, letting all these emotions out and wanting to be cool and okay or keeping it inside and pretending you're cool and okay? I know what my choice would be...letting it all out and regreting it after ü...I've been doing that and have gotten used to it. Here's to TRYING to getting hold of myself...though it's a difficult task, I can always try, right? Again and again...